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/v9k/ - Virgin9000

The last place before the void


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File: 4a196f8986ca84f⋯.jpg (767.34 KB, 1920x1080, 16:9, beautiful-01.jpg)


Hello. The banner function is back up and working again (finally) and it is time for our own dedicated banners. When I inherited this board, the current banners appear to be very similar if not the same to wizardchan ones, and since this board differs from that site, I think it is important that we secure our board 'identity' with our own custom banners.

Keep submitting banners, as this is an ongoing thing until I feel we have enough.

1. Banners must not exceed 500KB (that is, 512000 bytes).

2. Only the following filetypes are permissable:





3. Banners must be exactly 300px wide and 100px high.

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Best scene in The Death King. I bet he was a wizard apprentice.

File: 33b45411597da12⋯.jpg (454.23 KB, 1920x1080, 16:9, 567y475767454645y5b4gg4.jpg)


Discuss, or complain about anything related to the board, moderation, or any decisions made here. Post your suggestions or concerns here or email me them, I do read them.

Email me at: v9koperate@gmail.com

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I have raised the bump limit to 750 and that thread bumps again.

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If this place was born from the burst pus bubble of /r9k/'s ass, which was born from the burst pus bubble of SJWchan /r9k/'s ass, then I guess I'll be the one to begin this necessary containment thread.

I'm not doing this for you fucking spergshits or nothing. Fuck you all.'

510 posts and 117 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.



Don't get circumcised, it's not worth it. Use the cream and cherish your still-sensitive glans. The jews took mine and I have dead dick now. I hate it so much my penis looks so pathetic and unnatural.


File: db49af6e38d2217⋯.jpg (1.41 MB, 1460x1480, 73:74, 16861_original.jpg)

I'm lonely, I'm scared, and nothing seems real.

Meditation is harmful.

I NEED distractions, I'll go crazy if I have to think.



You know there's this thing called VIDEOGAMES



Can't enjoy video games anymore. It's become a chore.



You're probably not trying the right type of games. I just happen to be a vydia connoisseur, tell me what games you really enjoyed playing and I'll give you a list of games you can try to forget about your own existence

File: d42c9932341308b⋯.jpg (67.67 KB, 700x700, 1:1, crying_wojak.jpg)


ITT: Times you probably could've had a gf

>high school a few years ago

>walking to early flight at ~6:45 during the Winter, so it's pretty dark

>super tired (I would hardly ever sleep)

>porn addict, and hadn't showered

>the darkness makes me feel more confident probably due to primal instincts

>plus, school is practically empty

>walking when suddenly hear a squeak


>turn around

>at least 7/10 grill (from what I could tell) looks extremely nervous


>"I-I like your backpack…"

>don't know what to say

>don't want to deal with her because of previously mentioned reasons

>chicken out


>accidentally made it sound as if I were creeped out, like a fucking normalfag

>quickly walk away to class

>mfw she sounded lonely

>mfw never saw her again

>mfw she probably didn't have any friends

I have lost sleep over this, one of my greatest regrets. I just hope to God she didn't go into porn or something and is living well.

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you fucking piece of shit…

i don't give a fuck if you were a kid

doing that is inexcusable

not even i was that retarded when i was a kid

and i was pretty fucking retarded

fucking kill yourself you sack of trash.


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Honestly I have way too many, most of them there may not have been much there, but I managed to kill whatever small sliver of attraction she had. Here's two of my favorites.

>6th grade, 12yo

>See this spic kid I know

>asks me if we can talk about something

>he's pretty cool so I say sure, what's up?

>I can't tell you right now, we have to go to the cafeteria


>follow him to cafeteria as it was coincidentally lunchtime

>ask him what the fuck is up because he's being strangely avoidant and won't tell me what's wrong

>I need you to talk to "my girl"

>panic ensues

>brings me to this qt from one of our classes

>keep in mind I am 12 years old and have basically no relationship experience or context whatsoever, I was attracted to girls but I had no idea what I was supposed to do Still don't

>I start to speedwalk away, nopenopenope

>he yells "Come over, he's getting away!" and grabs me

>panic level at maximum

>this popular, attractive girl walks up and looks at me

>asks me in the most sheepish voice "Do you like me?"

>in my state of panic and young age, I had the same reaction that I would if she asked "Were you stealing my underwear and masturbating in them?"

>feel relief that I was not asked something like that, laugh and say no because while she was cute I liked someone else

>she looks disappointed as I walk away

She was always a bitch to me for the rest of middle school. I forgot about this incident and I never knew why she hated me until a few years ago when I remembered this.

Story 2

>sophomore year of college, Post too long. Click here to view the full text.



Everyone I knew lost their virginity before high school, or at least claimed to. This is why "anti-pedos" are retards.


I've talked to a few girls and become friends that got complicated feelings for each other. Something usually ends up happening though. Recently it was money. They say that love flies out the window when poverty comes in the door, but people generally get the sense backwards. It doesn't mean that when a man's money runs out he's shaken off by women. When he runs out of money, he naturally is in the dumps. He's no good for anything. The strength goes out of his laugh, he becomes strangely soured. Finally, in desperation, he shakes off the woman. The proverb means that when a man becomes half-mad, he will shake and shake and shake until he's free of a woman. It isn't too hard for me to understand that feeling myself.



I know it's way too late to reply but fuck it


>still a KV

Top kek at believing that you moron.

File: 06c855044511422⋯.png (940.66 KB, 1387x822, 1387:822, you-cats.png)


Jesus Christ: "Okay, you're all free of the Law of Moses now! But I won't tell you exactly which Laws you're free of.

"So feel free to cherry-pick based solely on your feelings!

"'"We're not Jews," so I'm gonna eat shellfish and cut my hair, 'cause lol fuck that shit,

'But women better know their place and kill all gay guys (and only the guys) cuz eww gross amirite?'"

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File: bbc3822a2ba7d45⋯.jpg (23.91 KB, 651x546, 31:26, tip.jpg)


>m-muh fedora tip muhfuggah



Wew. I bet posting that meme makes you feel euphoric,


Being religious isn't about believing in a magic sky fairy that watches over everyone and everything, it's just about having a disciplined and moral life.

I'm not religious myself tbh but

>wew lad

if you really have to mock christians like that.




not an argument



actually it IS about believing in such bs. the bible's pretty clear on that.

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Microsoft paint??


File: be64c614db5cc75⋯.jpg (360.26 KB, 455x601, 455:601, jpg8.jpg)


An addition to my harem of demon girls, you see I believed anon when he said that the afterlife you get is the one that you create inside your head, so when I finally die i'll ascend to my infinite super house inhabited by a legion of cute whores jobbed with emptying my balls for all eternity, cant wait mang.



why are you a mexican tranny



I am neither Mexican or transsexual. I just like to wear lady garments behind closed doors.




I like how you transitioned from one Shelley to the other with your quotes.

File: 82e50d8055098ec⋯.jpg (89.37 KB, 644x781, 644:781, HRmQ9FT.jpg)


>started going to the gym Jan. 1st to change my life around

>always lifting alone

>see same group always working out together every day im there

>I constantly look around the gym looking to make convo and new friends

>start doing tricep pull downs

>one guy from the popular gym group makes eye contact and walks over to me

>I take off my headset

>he says "hey can you stop slamming the weights down, you can damage them"

>I just stare at him with a million mile stare


>he walks back to the group to his super cute gf, they prob were all talking about me

>they probably think I'm an asshole now

>feel fucking depressed and alone even more

>drive home pissed as always

>scared to even go back to the gym, its been 5 days now

I hate people. Nobody fucking ever wants to talk to me, and I already got fucking depression of always being alone and nobody giving a shit about me, always getting turned down. I thought they wanted to talk to me, or even bring me to the big group, but fucking naa, he just wanted to put me down in front of everyone

Seriously, fuck life. I hate people.

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Don't forget the Kubrick stare over the top of your glasses.


File: d7a88d6740c4960⋯.jpg (67.79 KB, 639x398, 639:398, IMG_1044.JPG)


To put my thoughts to a point. If a stranger talks to you exchange names no matter who they are. That will help you make acquaintances. Keep your head up.


Topkek. Why didn't I realize that, obvious really.


File: 2a4ea41c020227e⋯.jpg (27.77 KB, 465x437, 465:437, Thank you jackie chan_34b0….jpg)

File: 0c44bb63bd248a1⋯.jpg (118.3 KB, 603x605, 603:605, 866f1aeccf28e3dadb5baa9a9f….jpg)


You have to go back OP, back to the gym. You have to stick to your convictions, remember why you decided to get /fit/ in the first place. When improving yourself, you always come across challenges, some which you never thought you would face but you shouldn't let those things beat you down. If Chad is annoying you, well first try to see things from his perspective. Were you slamming your weights down? Well now you know not to do that anymore. When working out, just focus on your routine and keep at it. Can't give you too much advice about making friends, but if you really want to, you could initiate conversation with others after both of you are done with your workout on are on a break.

Bottom line, get your ass back in the gym, work out, get fit.


>tricep pulldowns

Social interaction is the least of your problems.


File: f2f8182aeb46190⋯.png (175.71 KB, 500x485, 100:97, 1475687408683.png)


nice almost-Hitler digits

>tfw no comrade to go to the gym with and get fit together

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.


Hey guyz I'm chad.

You know what my career is?

I make googlbux by driving around girls like this in my muscle car.

How does it feel that you will never have this life?

Oh, and like, subscribe.


YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

Now I'mma gonna play some video games on twitch and have these virgins watch me.



Hey chad, I'm doggie

You know what I do?

I make governmentbux learning how to destroy shit and being perpetually bored.

How does it feel knowing that you'll never shoot 500 rounds of .50bmg in 1 day?

Oh, and like get off my board.


File: 4cdf05f3474f27e⋯.jpg (445.5 KB, 1757x1722, 251:246, 4cdf05f3474f27e5322855977f….jpg)


Chad eternally BTFO

File: bad5d61329a00a8⋯.png (217.31 KB, 568x541, 568:541, 0019 - sPd50zY.png)


>There is this asian girl in my college

>She is kinda asocial.

>I talked to her because I felt that she feels lonely

>after a month, she asks me out in a autistic way

>I say yes

Did I do good for an almost a wizard?

And what do I do now?

23 posts and 9 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


>she said that she finds me attractive and she would like to date me

Dude stop posting already you can leave this place forever leave the computer and be a normal person but you have to leave now


File: d123af582399f6e⋯.webm (1.91 MB, 492x360, 41:30, I don't weep, do you.webm)

OP if this didn't happen already, remind yourself to think of something to talk about.

Specifically, news regarding the world, menial shit, avoid political stuff, if possible focus on things nearby your town.


If she is getting awkward and looking more autistic than you… GOOD, THAT IS PERFECT (if you are not the one making things awkward, that is).

As long as she is acting awkward because she is worse off then you win, it's a victory, you hold the knife by the handle but again DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TO TRY TO MAKE HER FEEL SECURE BY COMPARING HER TO YOU, SHE MUST NEVER KNOW ABOUT YOUR REAL SELF, NEVER, HOLD IT UP IN A CAGE AND NEVER LET IT OUT, you can however make her feel secure by saying things like "Oh no, I found it cute how you fidget around" and whatnot.

And again: find something to talk about, get a culture, don't "improvise", you can't improvise if you don't have a plan, especially a sack of shit like you, fucking hell you mix with us, you think you can "improvise"? Your powerlevel will be all over the place and goodbye, no more 3D waifu for you.

No, she won't care about brain surgery on mices, yes she might be more interested in talking about a coming film, an actor or just gossips in general, in this scenario the things we consider "cancer" are actually pretty good to make small talk.

Don't jack off before you go on a date, no it's not because you might "score" but having that itch during a date might make you more determined.

One last thing then I'll shut my autism up: don't be afraid to touch her.

More important however: make sure this isn't a cruel joke


File: 67761578094a56f⋯.png (223.94 KB, 331x327, 331:327, 677.png)


Fly away, anon. You can do this.


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File: efe53cee327cd5c⋯.gif (1.61 MB, 320x180, 16:9, 1410171740307.gif)


Managed to claw myself up out of the obese robot hole into /fit/ cyborg-mode, and for what? To still have nothing but robot interests so I need to hide my power level everywhere but the Internet, to have chronic back issues so my /fit/ level is stuck at "toned-skinnyfat weakling but hey you're not fat anymore so yay I guess enjoy still being too insecure to talk to grills and finally surrender wizard powers", to still be autistic or whatever's wrong with my head (never did find out and it's too late for help now anyway) so I gotta keep everyone at arm's length anyway because I can't relate with anyone and can't share even one of my many interests and passions with who isn't mentally ill (and why would I want to be around other fucked-up douchebags), to still have been mentally, emotionally, and physically abused growing up oh and growing up poor so even though I no longer live on mommy's tendies like I did until I was almost 30, full-time job living alone is a shit life when I want to do so much, be so much more, than stuck with a perpetual mountain of chores and seeing 90% of my money going straight to bills and groceries etc. despite all the burger-flipping, no social skills and born poor so no connections to not be anything but a poor burger-flipper and this is the best I'll ever be, yay I'm a normalfag now it was so fucking worth it, to spend all my maybe 2-4 hours-per-day not shopping or working alone in my apartment almost always too exhausted from work and chores etc. to more than half-heartedly bodybuild or learn new languages or write or Photoshop or SOMETHING, ANYTHING, TO GIVE EVEN A SCRAP OF PURPOSE TO MY MEANINGLESS EXISTENCE OF WORK-SLEEP-WORK-SLEEP but I have no one to share what few things I do make so what's the fucking point of scratching the perpetual burning itch to make stupid shit, it's nothing more than masturbation if one's "art" is not appreciated by anyone but yourself, and masturbation sucks I realize that now.

There, I made sure my post is one giant unreadable wall of text so you sperger-kings don't REEEE at me for "leddit-spacing", happy? Oh wait I spaced here so guess not. Fuck you memetards, this seems to be what you wanted so suck it.

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But I am behaving normally anon, you're the one being rude to me over nothing and honestly I think I deserve an apology.

>nobody wants you here.

Oh you don't mean that :)


>>>/suicide/ exists, friend.



>continuing to act like a failed normalturd redditor

For the love of god please fuck off.



You've made the same post thrice now anon and I have nothing better to do than reply, you have to be the better man and gracefully end this exchange.

Maybe add an apology in as well, that would be big of you.

If not then ill be forced to continue acting like a "failed normalturd redditor".

File: a8580274b7166c9⋯.jpg (13.09 KB, 225x225, 1:1, johnnyrebel.jpg)


What's your favorite Johnny Rebel song? The poor guy passed away a little more than a month ago, so I feel this is the proper way to honor him.

7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


>poor guy passed away a little more than a month ago

Thank god, looks like another talentless hack only popular in dumb redneck circles.



Rip, what a talented man


File: c11b44861391089⋯.jpg (40.8 KB, 732x862, 366:431, 55999370279992616828364724….jpg)

Did he ever make more than KKK tunes, he squandered a lot of talent on shock and watered-down ideology.


Try harder.



He did see >>1351

He also made allot of novelty tracks or regular rockabilly he always used different aliases for all his releases

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Have any of you been unable to connect to an animal and how many of you think animals don't care for us or aren't aware of us, has there ever been an animal you made a bond with and really love you. Why do dogs love humans more than cats, what makes cats tick and do they really care for you, has there even been a car that played with you and was extremely intelligent i.e. fucking with your shit on purpose and just being like a human reincarnated.

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Also got some pet-related comics of a similar vein if anyone gives a fuck.


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File: 5a34cdfc2e70b47⋯.jpg (160.63 KB, 640x480, 4:3, 18897474649155394171275.jpg)

Kitty kats.



The kitty comic is so damn relatable my feels are through the proverbial roof

Can we get more catto posts please?


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Macau (Listeni/məˈkaʊ/; 澳門; 澳门; literally: "Bay Gate"), also spelled Macao, officially the Macao Special Administrative Region of the People's Republic of China, is an autonomous territory of China on the western side of the Pearl River Delta in East Asia. Macau is bordered by the city of Zhuhai in Mainland China to the north and the Pearl River Estuary to the east and south. Hong Kong lies about 64 kilometres (40 mi) to its east across the Delta. With a population of 650,900 living in an area of 30.5 km2 (11.8 sq mi), it is the most densely populated region in the world.[a]

Macau was administered by the Portuguese Empire and its inheritor states from the mid-16th century until late 1999, when it constituted the last remaining European colony in Asia. Portuguese traders first settled in Macau in the 1550s. In 1557, Macau was leased to Portugal from Ming China as a trading port. The Portuguese Empire administered the city under Chinese authority and sovereignty until 1887, when Macau, through a mutual agreement between the two countries, became a colony. Sovereignty over Macau was transferred back to China on 20 December 1999. The Joint Declaration on the Question of Macau and Macau Basic Law stipulate that Macau operate with a high degree of autonomy until at least 2049, fifty years after the transfer.

Under the policy of "one country, two systems", the State Council of the People's Republic of China is responsible for military defense and foreign affairs while Macau maintains its own legal system, public security force, monetary system, customs policy, and immigration policy. Macau participates in international organizations and events that do not require members to possess national sovereignty.

Macau is among the world's richest regions, and as of 2015 its GDP per capita by purchasing power parity is higher than that of any country in the world, according to the World Bank. It became the world's largest gambling centre in 2006, with the economy heavily dependent on gambling and tourism, as well as manufacturing. According to The World Factbook, Macau has the fourth highest life expectancy in the world. Moreover, it is one of the rPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Trainspotting is the first novel by Scottish writer Irvine Welsh, first published in 1993. It takes the form of a collection of short stories, written in either Scots, Scottish English or British English, revolving around various residents of Leith, Edinburgh who either use heroin, are friends of the core group of heroin users, or engage in destructive activities that are implicitly portrayed as addictions that serve the same function as heroin addiction. The novel is set in the late 1980s.

Famously described as "the voice of punk, grown up, grown wiser and grown eloquent", the novel has since achieved a cult status, added to by the global success of the film based on it, Trainspotting (1996), directed by Danny Boyle. Welsh later wrote a sequel, Porno, in 2002. Skagboys, a novel that serves as a prequel, was published in April 2012.

File: 2b3d504bc2f1534⋯.jpg (126.57 KB, 580x903, 580:903, van.jpg)


http://cytu.be/r/8chtvmovienights is a 8ch based cytube channel that streams exploitation movies, B movies and anything low budget and "so bad it's good". We host a movie night 3 nights a week where about 10 people (most from the /*9k/ community) hang out and laugh at bad movies and perky titties.

Stream starts at 11:00 pm GMT (http://www.timeanddate.com/time/zones/gmt) Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and shows 1 or 2 movies at a time. If you want a later/earlier show then we're happy to do those if enough people ask.

Movie suggestions are welcome but must be a full movie on Youtube and can't be mainstream B movies. We're not looking for The Room, Troll 2 or anything featured by RLM. We've looking to find the gems people missed and to watch new movies together not rehash old ones.

The /v9k/ BO has been very welcoming to us and I would ask people not to only bump the thread for the sake of bumping it.

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File: 2f60617e912cbac⋯.jpg (83.21 KB, 640x346, 320:173, 1258501702564.jpg)

bump when in channel


File: 85a5910eebbd6be⋯.jpg (20.25 KB, 343x474, 343:474, rthsdfhfhrthh45637573.jpg)














Movie for tonight:

KILLDOZER (the news broadcast)

Followed by

KILLDOZER (the movie)


YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

do Dark Star some time


YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

Could I recommend Rubin And Ed?

File: 2d80e6d1db3c176⋯.mp4 (1.69 MB, 854x480, 427:240, 8.mp4)


How can I learn to be funny?

I talk to normals fine for the most part, but they always stare blankly at me for split seconds at a time as if expecting me to entertain them with something. This happens with people my own age in their 20s and older people, and especially in job interviews.

Problem is you can't pre-plan jokes and I've always had a slow wit. Watch comedy hasn't helped because humor is contextual.

2 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.



Cant tell if this is bait or genuine so I'll leave the thread now



if you want to be that fag who uses other comedians jokes. I know a guy who does this and everyone hates him.


try slaptick humor

walk around with a pie and smash it against your face


Some people become funny as a coping mechanism. Many famous and non-famous comedians developed their comedic abilities as a way of dealing with cruel peers and to get on the good side of their classmates. They are often depressed and suicidal, as was chris farley, robin williams, john candy, and many more. The point is that wanting to make people laugh sometimes requires something more than just it having its uses.



May help to ease on the animu. Humor has never been a popular Japanese export. Anyhow, I do self-depreciative humor, critical humor, as well as impersonations.

For instance, I'd open up a critical comment with something like "Ever notice how all Japanese porn, no matter how depraved, has is either pixelated or covered peculiar areas with black stripes? Yes, hide your depravity and shame under squares and rectangles. The world totally doesn't see through the ruse."

None of these things carry over well on the internet, so I'm essentially fucked.

As for your case, I'd suggest

If it makes you feel better, I'm only witty when I'm pissed. Otherwise I suck.


Agreed. No one would like the cold calculating shell I am, so the facade of being an oaf is there so some can find value in my company.

File: a153605c08d09f2⋯.jpg (155.26 KB, 1240x930, 4:3, breakfast-istock.jpg)


What do you have for breakfast /v9k/?

I usually wake up most days at about 1-2pm, and others at 9am. I hate the days where I don't have a proper breakfast at the right time, as then I just have to have it at lunch time instead. Good thing I don't have a job or anything.

Anyway, I like having some hot oats/porridge cooked either in the microwave or on the stovetop if I can be bothered. I also like these baked fruit bar things you buy in a package. Milk is the drink of choice here, full cream of course.

I also have a coffee every morning (or when I wake up as well) and I get those cappuccino things in a sachet. I am not really one of those coffee anoraks though.

22 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I have a big bowl of cereal. I know it's not healthy but I'm too lazy to make something else. Plus I'm usually running out the door.


Similar to most mornings, but a little better

3 actual eggs done over easy, some bacon, 2 stale French toasts, a fruit salad, and a cup of Special K yogurt berry cereal.


I dont even wake up until 3pm most days. Then I just wait until 4 pm to eat dinner and go to bed at 5 am.


I don't eat breakfast. On work days I just eat something small like fruit or cereal for lunch then I just have a really big dinner before bed

On weekends I don't wake up early for breakfast so it is whatever my mom made for dinner or what she is eating for dinner I'll usually tag along and get the same thing. So on those days I eat "dinner" then wait a few hours then have desert before bed. Then just sleep at like 6am or something


Coffee and toast. Sometimes I'll put oatmeal in the rice cooker and have it on a timer for the morning too. On weekends I'll make pancakes and eggs. I don't really like pre-packaged things for breakfast. Don't know why. I'm fine eating poptarts for lunch but not for breakfast.

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